|Back to normal
||[Feb. 2nd, 2006|02:17 pm]
|||||Strange Things are happning, Rings& Things||]|
And here we are again .... So I went to Athens and stayed there for about a week, it was a pleasant experience, as it always is.
I don't know there are times when I am second guessing my decision to come up here. Yes the nature is rewarding, the way of living might be tough but still it feels more comftable to me than rushing through packed streets to get on the same buss with 200 more people and when I think of all that, I look out of my window in the woods and smile happily for not having to put up with it all.
Yet, not only bad things exist in Athens, for having lived there the greatest part of my life, I have created bonds and relationships that are unbreakable.
Take Maria for instance, by best friend through so many bad and ugly times. Being parted from her is something that has costed me greatly, I am a social animal, I cannot do long without the people that constitude my pact and Maria is quite possibly the representative of this pact, the core. Then comes my ever beloved Smaro, the edgy friend who seems so wierd to those outsdie yet so easy going to me. Surely Smaro can present a million different faces according to the degree one threatens her but she is filled with intelligence, appetite for knowledge and an artistic nature that I find at least enchanting.
The three of us make the triangle, the rest move around us like planets in orbits.
For so many years this formation was a source of power for all three of us and a three years ago it was so suddenly broken. I leaft for here, Smaro leaft for the Netherlands and Maria stayed in Athens. We were scattered. Now Smaro has returned to Athens and doesn't seem eager to get back abroad, I am guessing that lonelyness was hard for her as well.
So I am now the one that has defected the ranks of the witches. It's ok, I know they are surviving fine without me despite the fact that they miss me, in the same way that I survive fine without them, despite the face that I miss them terribly, but is that the goal? Survive?
Maybe I should keep somewhere in the back of my mind the option of returning to Athens open. I know me, I am a restless animal, there is no case that I can root in one place for long, even if this place is my dream come true. You see I am coming to very interesting conclusions about myself, maybe I visualised a place that doesn't exist so that I can continue moving eternaly as an excuse to find it. Now that I found it and live in it and see that indeed, it is all that I hoped for I understand that this is not what I wanted. I want the road again, to start covering miles and arriving to places unknown, without the slightest bit of information of where I am going to stay and what I am going to do, maybe after all this perfectly planned years I need some exitment all over again.
And maybe, just , maybe it is time for the three of us to be together in the same city again.
Or maybe I am talking stupidities for this place won't let me go easily, nor will I. There is sweat spilled here, there are hours of my life's hardest work, there are experiences that cannot be leaft lightly behind. I look at the building and from whithin the very walls comes that first met -for me- satisfaction of thinking "by gods, I made this". I shouldn't lie, the Shelter is a good base for people like me, I have never fealt as free as I do here. Nor have I ever imagined this wonderfull co-existance with all those people. In the older days I always thought that living with others -not to mention 180 of them- is always a bad idea because it is a matter of time until someone or something breaks the harmony.
As I found out harmony is not what one should expect when co-existing with so many different characters. And if you dn't expect that, then nothing can ruin the perfect routine they all create. We are a big groop of gnomes running freely across the woods, we may fight between us, we may qyarell we might even keep long faces, but we are a team, a fist, s gang keapt together and looking after each other. And what can replace that?
And of course ... there's always the man.
I do not know who he is, I only know he came twice in my hang out bar. The second was last night.
The first time I noticed him, he was at a table across the bar with some friends of his, drinking and laughing, I raised my eyes to look around, I met his eyes who were doing the same thing, he smiled, I smiled and returned to our buisness. A couple of hours later he happens to go by our table, he sees me and says "do you take candy from strangers?" and gives me a little orange candy. Of course I laughed, it was among the best hit and goes I ever attended, took the candy and looked at him as he moved towards the bar. From then on I have no idea what happened to him, I got distracted by other stuff that was going on and I presume that at some point he just took of. Two nights went by and the second -aka yesterday-, here he is again.
I took the trouble to ask Giorgo -the barman- if he has seen him before and he answered me that he has, he is a friend of Pavlos -the guy who owns the bar- and he is a mathematician. Which by the way is the last thing you'd guess from his appearence. Giorgos went on saying that he is coming to this bar reguarely for 5 years now and that it's impossible I haven't seen him so far.
Indeed that is odd, I am there too much and I know almost everyone, and then I asked his name .... Odyseas -Odyseus-. I did know him. At least two of the girls in the shelter have fallen victims to this guy's charm. All truth be told he didn't do anything to them, nor was he cruel or harsh or awful or the kind of thing they do in the movies, but I am guessing that he has his way in getting them interested and them dumping them. Admitedly though, they were the dumping kind.
I thank Giorgos for the valuable information and return to me table to continue drinking ... the bottles go by and it is my turn to go and get one from the bar. So I ask Giorgo for a tequila bottle and I lean against the bar waiting, as I turn to my leaft who do you think is right beside me?
Yes, of course with my luck it could only be him. I smile looking -hopefully- more self assured than I fealt and say not a word. He doesn't either. He gives his order to Giorgos -the gossiping chicken was serving drinks with one hand and paying attention to us- and looks around the bar without as much as adressing me. Finally my bottle comes, I take it and head off when I hear someone saying "hey, redhaired, you're stubborn", I turn around and he has cracked the most devious of smiles. "I'm stuborn or you're prone to temptation?" I answer back and for a few seconds I managed to wipe this arrogant glow in his eyes. A fragment of a second for he started laughing and shaking his head while I turned and headed towrads my table. His bottle came too and he took it to his table.
Being the little trickster that I am I pleaded with the girls to leave, diappear right that moment from the bar as discretely as possible. It was 4 in the morning after all.
I returned home and tried to go to sleep, which failed miserably, loged in Minas Tirith to kill sometime but it was dead so I switched of my pc and banged on Jhon's door. He has come to my door so many times, it was my turn. I still had that bottle of tequila with me and nothing else to do so I got him drunk while telling him the story, not much to narrate really.
He listened to me nodding and then he asked "one thing I did not understand, why did you leave tonight? It sounds as if you flead." Bastard, always finding the wrong thing to ask. He was right, I did run away in a way. Handsome charming guys have bad effects on me and this particular one doesn't seem like the kind of type I am in a position to handle level headedly and if I have learned something this year is that relationships are about control, and even though I am not a control freak, I just don't want to be under someone's control.
According to Jhon I am exaggerating. He seems to believe that it has nothing to do with control but with my fear of falling in love -seriously- ever again. "You've been running from this too long, did you actualy think you managed to escape it?" he asked later on ...bastard again. Yes, I did so what?