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Ahoy! Iceberg ahead... [May. 31st, 2006|02:35 pm]
[Current Location |nowhere]
[mood |depresseddepressed]
[music |Long windy tunnel]

Yes, I know, long time no see.
My only excuse is that I have been living quite a full life of late, and I didn’t feel like talking about it.

So let’s see, what can I say in a form of an update ….
Let’s start with what has happened in those few months. Odysseas and I have been together for four months now and for those four months I have been a very happy woman. We managed to understand each other with many problems, we even figured out how to deal with each others bad side and finally at some point I even admitted to myself that I am in love with him.
Big step, enormous step if you ask me. But totally worth taking cause he’s –so far- a very reliable man. All in all, we’re getting along perfectly and he is making me very happy, I can only hope I make him happy as well.

And now the bad news, cause there are some very bad news to announce. The translation firm I work for has been letting people go in regular periods in the last two years. The firm is changing it’s orientation from general texts to purely literature and of course literature doesn’t need as many people as tech texts do.
Now given that I am one of the few translators here that actually do have some experience worth mentioning in literature translation, this has bought me a lot of time, namely the last year definitely. Now there are ten of us, but the boss seems to think that the firm cannot be comprised of more than 7 translators, so the whole thing was, which translators will those be. We were judged based on two criteria, the quality of our work and how much our boss likes us. And while I had nothing to worry in the first department, the second was stressing me out greatly.
It is no secret that Psycho and I have had many troubles. We’re simply incompatible, he’s a little Nazi who wants everything to be done exactly in the way he thinks they should be done, while I need some freedom to do my work at the best of my abilities. And while I am one of the few who have never missed a deadline, while I am the one who helped him out of troubles way too big for him to handle alone and so forth, I remain the one who told him to go f**** himself inside the office. Not that I blame him, very few bosses would have putted up with that. To speak the truth, I don’t blame him, if he wants to create a translating team with a prestige to speak of maybe he really can’t have people like me in it.

Anyway, the bottom line is that I am loosing my job at the end of summer, coming September I will have to look for something else. At least I have been warned, that’s always something.
All that of course means that I am left without the admittedly big income I have been blessed with so far, which means that I can’t keep doing what I have been doing. The Shelter needs money to be supported or pro bono work. I can’t do pro-bono work when neither the zucchinis nor the tomatoes need a translator to dictate their biography. So the Shelter has just stopped being an option for me, I have to move out. Of course the guys tell me to stay, that we’ll figure out a solution, and that it’s ok to profit from the shelter till I find a new job, but that just won’t do it for me. I need to rely on my own two feet, otherwise I have nothing.
So, to make a long story, short, soon I will be jobless.
And I will have to move back to the translator’s Mecca, Athens. Not a prospect that thrills me exactly mostly ‘cause I have adjusted to this new living style by now and to re-adapt to the rhythms of that particular city won’t be easy for me.
But re-adapt I will and I am hoping that I will be assisted to it by my friends, you know, offer me shelter till I hook up with a temp job and while I look for a real one.

This brings us to the boyfriend trouble. Naturally he can’t just come with me for he has his work here, a work he fought hard to get, a work he likes. Odysseas is home and settled. I understand that he was hoping that this would include my presence and that he hasn’t calculated the possibility of me having to go away. I told him that neither did I yet, here we are.
I am left wondering if there are any decisions left for us to make, or if they all have been made in our account already. Can he abandon his whole life just to follow me? Of course not. Do I want him to? No, no, no! I cannot live with the burden that will sooner or later resurface in the middle of a stupid fight and express itself with the words “I gave up everything for you”. It might drive me crazy, specially cause it will contain a piece of truth.

Can I not search a translator’s job and try to settle for a teaching one? Not in a million years. Yes I have a degree in Linguistic sciences and Letters but I never planed to use it to make a teacher out of me. It would kill me to have to instruct others anything, starting from how to tie their shoes and going all the way to the phonetics of vowels.

So the result is that I have to go and he has to stay. Yet, we are in love, which in this case is a problem none of us knows what to do with it. It’s as if all of a sudden an expiration date has been printed on this relationship. And it does hurt. A lot.
Cause he’s like… you know , the kind of man you don’t want to loose of course but you’re not together long enough to base life altering decisions on your feelings.
So, the abyss lies before my feet …
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Another happy day [Feb. 14th, 2006|03:41 pm]
[mood |relaxedrelaxed]
[music |Season of the Witch, Vanilla fudge]

Indeed, it is another happy day despite the fact that my nose hasn't been of much help. I hate getting a cold for two reasons, first because I am not the kind of person who will stay in and eat hot tea no matter how sick I am and secondly because it bores me to death to feel vunreable. If that's what I feel like.
So onmy news. Odyseas and I are getting along very well, better than I would have hoped or expected. It's magical and funny how being in love creates a small magical sphere were there is room for only two people, everything else is outside it.
Yestarday afternoon I was supposed to go get the cows back to the stables and once I told him so, he insisted upon coming with me because he wanted to see how the whole thing happens. I warned him that there's a lot of bad smelling and dirt and mud involved but he wanted to play the tough guy who of course lives in the city but thinks he can manage country as well. Ha!
First of all he was terrified to approach the cows, he keapt looking at me go over them and tieing them to each other and he was pale white. And I am pretty sure that he didnt expect them to smell as intensly as they did. So we started walking back and he was being all descriptive about something, jumping around, I warned him to be careful because cows leave some huge dropings on the road as they go and it will be very unfortunate for him to step in one. He ignored me, so he almost did three times, and of course I keapt saving him, the fourth I decided it was time for him to learn, so I left him get in it.
Oh I wish I had words to discribe the look on his face, so many emotions in whithin a passing of a second before he started laughing.

I think that's what I like most about him, his easygoingness and sarcasm for himself. But he was disgusted. It's normal, who wouldn't be if he was up to his anckles covered in warm cow dropings? Sorry for being too discriptif.
So we got back, he took a two hours long shower rubbing himself like a maniac and then went out with some friends of him. A conversation beggun where it was once again me saying one thing and everyone else saying another, Odyseas was part of the others, and I was so happy about it. I loved the fact that he didn't try to defend my beliefs sacrificing his own opinion, I loved the fact that he didn't avoid confrontation, nor did he pursuit it to demonstrate something. He just disagreed with me, siply positively and I could say lovingly.
I think that after that if I was in love with his air till last night, after that I am in love with the whole of him. Each side I see is even more interesting, challenging and inviting than the one I knew before, and seeing as I know him only a week, I am looking forward to what comes next. Good and bad.

Oh, and on the way home he asked me if I was into Valentine. I smiled and said no, but I am very much into finding a pretext to have him in my bed all night, to which he smiles and blinked as in "I agree". So I am not celebrating Velentine this year. I have so much more to celebrate. Like the existance of that man.
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Snowed in [Feb. 8th, 2006|01:05 pm]
[mood |hornyhorny]
[music |Red sky at night]

In the recent days it has been snowing like no other time. I mean Monday night I looked out my window and all I could see was a white curtain and nothing else.
Of course, I could not pass out on the opportunity and I went hiking in the middle of the snowfall. Jhon was screaming that I am mad and that this is the way stupid people have accidents, but what the heck, will I stay inside just out of fear of triping? No can do, terribly sorry.

The idea came to me as I was reading a journal while in essense I was doing nothing else but look outside. Over here in Greece -maybe in other places as well- when it is snowing the cold is actualy lesser than when the wind is blowing, at worst it will give you the redest cheaks you ever dreamed of having. So, feeling rather restless I got up and went by the door as three pairs of inspective eyes, followed my footsteps with anticipation. Of course my furballs would love to get out on this weather. There were standing by, anxiously waiting for my signal. Being the little sadistic creature that I am, I stood and looked out without even turning to their direction. Noia, being the youngest, lifted her head and looked at me waging her tail. Nahhh... I wistled to them and off they went to get their collars, in a matter of moments we were ready to go out, with my nagging friend behind us, acting as if it was the first time I was going to be out in the snow.
At first I stood still so that I could obtein some orientation as to where I am. The snow came down so thick that I could not see more than 3 meters ahead. The good thing is that up here, there have never been any motors of any kind and they were even less likely to appear today, so I steped on the main road and decided to follow it up to the turn of the mountain path.
The silence was deafening, as if everything was drowned in cotton, only my breathing and the running of my dogs were audiable. We played around for quite some time and quite franckly I had the best time of my life. Sometimes other people are so obsolete. Sometimes. Babis, Malax and Noia defenetly enjoyed it greatly, it's their kind of outdoors activity. In fact they insisted that we play their favourite game that I can only name "you fall down and we all fall down on top you" that for some reason entertains them beyond reason. We returned home two hours later, soaking wet but totaly happy. I pushed them all in the bathroom, locked myself in it as well and gave them all a good but not too warm bath. They were that tired that they didn't protest one bit. Babis was even handing me the towels. Ok pawing me ... mouthing me? I have no idea as to what the expression should be.

And of course yesterday noon, the weather broke down a bit and we managed to open the road to the Shelter. Benieth the upper layer of snow there was a thick layer of ice, that was stuck like cement on the road, we had to go down with ... erm... I have no idea how they are called in english, tools that look like hamers, only a lot pointier and started breaking one kilometer of road ice. That's why I keep telling we're like wood gnomes, we surface when you least expect us, do some work all together and then disappear. he he.
So since the road was open, I called Odyseas to invite him over. Yes, of course I knew it was only a matter of hours before the road closed again, that's why I urged him to come quick. I told him that having lunch in the shelter can be compared to nothing else. And in case anyone is wondering, yes, I was ploting to have him snowed in here. And I was right to do so.
So he came, we had some cogniac, he met Jhon, he met some of the other guys, came face to face with the girls, who of course having had a talk with me two days ago, now had no problem seeing him around -even himselfs looked puzzled about their easy gong way but I did not see the reason to tell him that we three have had a talk and sttled thing out, since that talk was between the three of us- . The result was that Odyseas can go about the Shelter without fearing he will bump on them any time. We sat for lunch which was richer that usual turkey, pork, potaoes with beicon, black eyed beans with green onion rings, salads with garlic oil, feta saganaki -if Kitty ever ate that she would have an orgasm- and series of other delights. In the end of it all, we all take a small bite of a green hot pepper -even strongest than the red chilli ones the americans have- to keep the cold out. Trust me it does, you feel like someone has setted you on fire.
Along with that came great quanitities of wine so while getting up from the table we were all kind of sleepy. Odyseas mumbled something "how am I going to drive bakc home, I'm in no condition" to which I replied that he was going nowhere after that much food and wine. I took my matress of the bed and brought it on the floor in front of my fireplace and we sleapt for three hours in the afternoon.
He woke up to find out that even if we wanted to leave, he couldn't. He said he din't want to either, which made it a perfect coincidence. The rest of the afternoon was imensly fun, he met Jhon closely, him and Basilis came over my room to hang out with us after I invited them, and leaft at about 9 something. I proposed to him to see one of the infinate mumber of movies I have and he went over to investigate. He loved my movies collection and we had a talk over "oh wow, this is a great, I love this and that" "you remeber when" which gave ample room for isightful and smart lines towards each other. Turns out that he hasn't seen the Holy Grail even though he has loved the Life of Brian, so there was no debate.
As the dvd made that characteristic sound -closing and loading- all three of my dogs and one cat arrived in hurry. They do that. They sat all around us and Noia layed her head against Odyseas' chest, to which he looked at me wondering. She is a tender lady, I had to explain to him and loves affection. The whole night he was laughing with tears comming down his eyes and I was laughing ....

I was laughing because he was laughing. Because that made me happy. I caught myself looking at him and having that familliar to women feeling of overfloating emotion. It's the thing that makes us wonderful and stupid. As the movie ended and he was still semi laughing -your know MP, they stay at the back of your mind and resurface when you least expect them- we kissed and from there on it was all rated X. Those parts I keep for myself.
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The day after [Feb. 5th, 2006|01:42 pm]
[mood |gratefulgrateful]

And I am slowly sliping into a new relationship. Ok, too early to say that this is already a relationship, but it's moving in rythms that feel of ease to me. Last night we were out with some friends of mine and we were discussing the need of women to talk about what is going on in their relationships, which by the way I also find a bit of a drag. The constant wondering if things are going as they are supposed to go, the detailed explanantions about how one meant one thing and what the other understood bore me to death. I much rather we have a fight over a misunderstanding, get it out of our system and then make up than this philosophical approach of things that have to do with passion.
Odyseas noted that I am very passionate about passion. And indeed I am. He seems to think that while passion is an emotion that does motivate us all to make true some of our greatest and deepest desires, it cannot be the rule upon which we live our daily life, for as he said passion is a burning fire and if leaft to burn incontrolably it will sieze giving us worth and it will devour everything on sight.
So here you have it, a woman who's passions are the greatest part of herslef -the rest being her obsessions and her determinition- and a man who's flexible and adaptive to life around him. I can bet that this is going to be funny. Maybe problematic in the future as well, but let the future come before I worry about it.

So why is it that I am always attracted towards men that are the exact opposite of me? Nap was surely closer to my nature but I fell in love with him when I was 15 years old and I was still trying to figure out why I was standing so much appart from everyone else I knew. Gods, how painful that was. Nature had me singled out with that eye thing I have and the abnormal -for a greek- complexion of mine, and my familly was defently the thing that made me even more different. When most of the mothers of my clasmates were nagging them into not returning home after 7 in the afternoon, my mother and father draged me with them to all kinds of things, be them art exhibitions or rock concearts. And the more I grow older, the more I see my mother in me, someone who is downright from another plantet and in an effort to adapt to this one. My mother was lucky to find my father and their marriage despite it's passionate ups and frightening downs, has been proven more stable that any marriage I have witnessed so far. Maybe because my father managed to do the undoable, earn my mother's trust and respect while she earned his devotion and undestanding. And love of course, but nowdays the "romance" bit is almost gone and what you see is two companions who can't be apart from each other for too long.
And returning to the afairs list .. after Nap and my painful decision at the age of 17-18 to leave him distroy himself without taking me along, I went and fell on the worst person I have ever come across. Kleanthis. I can still remeber how much love I had for him, how it was a constant exitment being around him and how my feelings could go from obsessing love towards deadly hate in a matter of seconds. I was doing the same thing to him, I know. I have come to the conclusion that people like him and me shouldn't have met or gotten into a relationship, from the other hand, I don't know who I would be if Kleanthis haven't came along in my life. He unwillingly helped me define what I am not, what I do not want to be and what I do not want to experience ever again. His contribution to my life has been truthfully important. He was so dark a creature that he helped me realise that I wasn't.
Surely I am edgy, I am kind of brutal and my ideas seem sharp but in essense I am nothing but the fool of the world, the kind of person who might fight eternaly against an enemy and when she finaly brings him his knees she gives her and and asks if he is suffering too much. I mean look at the infinate times I have been hurt by people I kept giving them chances and they keapt throughing that gift to my face. Again with the ultimate example being Kleanthis, the man who treated me in the worst possible way and when I leaft him he called me -hitting with the precise of a snipper in my Achielles heal- and asked me to see me one last time, just to tell me how much he loves me.
It was the afternoon that I ended up with a gun looking right at me. And behind the gun the man I loved. To this day the after effects of this experience are not fully unfolded by me, there are areas that I am afraid to touch, such as what kind of feelings to I wake to men who want to have control of their own emotional cosmos. I know I am the kind that urges the other to loose control, Jhon has been rather explanatory of the impact this may have to a man, that by loosing control over himself he needs to gain control over me so that things can be balanced out.
But I think that when this happened with Kleanthis something happened to my control button, maybe it was taken out and distroyed, maybe I realised that if I chose to loose control over myself, there's nobody worthy to replace me. And nobody should replace me, for there are few things more dangerous than having someone wield your own self.

In those last months though and cause of a serious twist of events -more than one took place- I decided that I should re-evaluate my attitude over life. From one side, a semi-friend semi-flirting buddy who reacted in a way I could not understand which all resulted into me loosing his friendship -something of far more greater value to me than any flirtation- , then the loss of some other important friends because of the distance or of relocation of because the roads of life took us to different directions ans lastly because I am inevitably growing up, I was lead to understand that I drifted beyond control for long and if I did not reclaim lordship over myself, sooner or later someone whould appear who would and possibly could do that.
So in a way, Odyseas came in exellent timing for me to practise what I have been teaching myself for more than six months now. Can I be with someone without pushing us both over the edge and without that last thing leading us to boredom? Can I find balance whithin me?
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The day after [Feb. 4th, 2006|09:27 pm]
[mood |crazycrazy]
[music |Lovemaker, Bruce Callum]

It all went awful, he is just like all other men I have ever been with, the greatest disappointment of my life, in short.

He he. Actualy, not.
He came by the Shelter at the time he was supposed to, well, five minutes earlier and I asked him up till I putted my coat on. Only then he made the connection. You know, that I must have known about the other girls. I saw his face darkening as we were passing in fron of one of their doors.
So I took the leap of faith and asked "You have been inside this door, right?". He seemed rather surprised and asked me how do I know it and I explained him that it's rather difficult to keep something entirely secret in the Shelter. He nodded and seemed a bit unease. I would be too, so I took him to my room where dwell the best ice-breakers of all time , my furballs. It is amasing how many dates and nearly disasters they have repelled those chubby loves.
Malax of course was standing right before him, with his tail going in cicles as if he was a helicopter, always happy to make a new friend. Of course that was a test for Odyseas as well, if you want to get on well with me you have to be at least able to get on well with the four off springs of mine. The reaction was than gods the best one I could expect, he immediately dropped on his knees and started being totaly silly. At some point he looks up at me and goes "he's so handsom......." he then spotter Noia comming right at him, and Babis at the far end eyeing him up and down. Which caused him a bit of confusing, just until Noia started kissing him like a maniac -she does that with everyone-. We sat for 20 minutes and then I grabed my handbag saying that it's time to go.
As we reached the car, he comes from my side and opens the door so that I can get in. I thank him and do so. When he starts the car he says "Pheeewwww .... I can't stand women who find door opening offensive". To which as I explained him I completely agree, I have no problem in a man serving me in whatever way he founds pleasing for his ego. To which he laughted and looked at me with a look that something tells me that it's the essense of what attracts me. He looks at me. At me. Me. That is the most important thing of all. On the way there we were talking about how he ended up living over to our town, how difficult it is, how easy it is -it can be both- and what are his plans.
And then he delivers the line "For the time being I have no plans, I am doing what I am doing and I feel rather at ease with it." No wonder I fell for him, he is the opposite of me.
I think that it is time for short interlude with information about him.
He is 29 years old, a mathematician who works two jobs, he is assigned to a elementary school in town and he is also giving lessons at home to children. He is very calm and composed, few precice gestures, confidence ouzing -or is that ouzo?- from his pores and with a direct look towards anyone he talks too. Remains of teaching I persume. He is brown haired and black -pit black- eyed. Not too tall, not short and of a very intersting built. And he founds funny the most unexpected things about me. For instance me sitting with my legs on the lottus position -more or less, I just don't know how to discribe it- in the car.
We reach at the theater, get in and sit in our sits. As the lights go out I am waiting for th usual indifferent hand that either goes behind my back, or for the leaning in the dark too close to whisper something about the play or something of simillar nature which never came. He was being all too friendly. Which resulted to me wondering if I misinterpreted the whole thing. Right in the middle of the first act I get hit by a panic wave, is it possible that it is all in my head, that nothing is going on and that he's not interested in anything but some hanging out ... or even worst -in his particular case- just sex? Thank gods, I keapt it together and looked at the play so that I could comment on it later on and not seem as if my brain moved to Zimbaboue all of a sudden. As we leaft he keapt on talking but I could detect that he was also concearned about something. We were heading with the car to the house of his friend, when he takes a turn out of our way and pulls over by a field.
And then, all too fast, as if I was hit by a convoi of moving trucks I hear "None of these girls were of matter to me, we were just playing around and I was a bit messed up by familly things that were happening at the time, all in all I liked one of them for real but I got into something with the other, which is why it all happened. It was a mess, I still feel awful and hurt at the same time. I do not expect you to understand now. I know women hate such thing and Marcos -a friend we ended up having in common, but let's drop this for now- told me that you are kind of edgy about men that do wrong in their relationships and end up hurting women, so I figured you should know in advance." Long pause where I am leaft speachless and in awe and say nothing. "And if you want me to take you back...", "what, you will?"
And the answer "I wouldn't want to. I think there's something here." The kiss followed shortly after.

Ahhhhhhhh .... I remembered again what butterflies feel like and what the knot in the stomach getting solved seems. More later, cause he is coming over in half an hour. Maybe it's time to stop writting about it and live it.
Just to give some closing, at the party, I had great fun and the smell of his washing machine softener is about to become one of my favourite smells in the world after lilacs .... is that explanatory enough of my current mood?
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Tik-tak, tik-tak [Feb. 3rd, 2006|08:38 pm]
[mood |flirtyflirty]
[music |Atlantis, Donovan]

And then they wonder why I shiver at the idea of being a bride, I am only going to go on a date, yet I am standing in a room filled with my cloths and all see either boring, not representative of my current mood or downright inappropriate for where we are going.
To beggin wih I eliminated all colours that males can recognise, let's stay a bit more in the shadow, which means no fucshia, not red and certainly no black, black is a bad colour for dates unless you want the guy in your bed, which I don't. So this way half my closet is eliminated. Blue just doen't do it for me right now and yellow seems disgusting, not to mention that it is practicaly beyond my power to combine with anything other than brown, and no way I am wearing brown, avoiding provoqation is one thing, being totaly colourless is another.
So I think I will be rooting for my dark green pullover and my dark wine red trousers, simple, without sexual suggestions and confused messages.

The good thing is that I have cutted my hair short and I don't have to worry about them at least.

So ... I 'm going on a date ... unbelievable! Not that I haven't dated before, I even had one worth mentioning relationship with the man known as "The vet" who was ok until he was an ass like everyone else. The usual stuff.
You have no idea how hard I am trying not to allow my head go down the usual road "what the hell is wrong with this guy now?" because if you look for flaws, then you find them for sure, while my goal tonight is actualy have fun.
So we are going to see a very interesting play, an adaptation of Shakespear's Midnight Summer Dream -his choise- and I am waiting anxiously to see what kind of play it is because he discribed it as "totaly different from anything you have seen so far".

And then comes the wierd part. The guy who has the hang out bar I've told you about has his birthday -my life is just packed with Aquariouses, it's a scandal- and of course he and I never had the kind of relationship where I would be invited to his house for his birthday. Well today we do, since I am his friend's date. And it is going to be a bit wierd just because I do know practicaly everyone that's going to be there -one more closely that I would like to admit- but still we're like distant relatives, if you know what I mean. And I don't have a present, even though, I suspect that I do have lots of something that may faschinate them all, what the heck I will partly sponsor the night to redeam myself for my negligence.

And on top of it all, I undertook, totaly by my own free will an errant that is being proven somewhat of a attention needing and time devouring subject. Four months ago I stumbbled across a very interesting study upon the Elefsinia Mysteries which is to say the least, impressive as to it's volume of information and quality of cross checked references and I remembered that a friend of mine from the only forum where I am a frequent poster was interested imensly about them. Namely Fabian. And I decided to translate it for him alone. Ok this is kind of illegal, still nobody will know and no copies will be made so who'll know?
The challenging part of the whole thing is that the book is written in the archaic greek -archaiki katharevousa in case some greek stumbles across this- and it's translation to english does present some degree of difficulty.
But love or not, this task shall soon be finished and shiped to it's rightful owner. After that I might just go to the editing house in question, present them whith my work and ask them to pay me to give it to them so that they can print it abroad. Money making is a sweet bitter process. No, not bitter sweet.

Pff, I still have an hour to go, better start getting ready. Wish me luck.
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The haunted bar [Feb. 3rd, 2006|02:11 pm]
[mood |hyperhyper]
[music |Eight and a half hours to paradise]

And of course Sprocket is right, I did run onto him again, which of course was the desirable effect of last night's wanderings through the city. A bit after midnight we went back there are of course there he was.
Has anyone ever noticed that wierd thing that I call "fortune winding"? You know, the guy was a regular for how long now and I have never seen him and now it's X times in a row, isn't that to say the least capable of making you lift an eyebow and look at lady Luck with suspition?

So the big deliema here was, do I play it hard to get or do I make things easy for him? I was still debating this with myself when he approached the table. And of course, in compliance with my true nature when he came I forgot how I am supposed to play this out and gave up control to coincidence.
A couple of hours later we ended up on a table all by ourselfs, the rest got bored and discreetly -you konw the kind of discresssion where suddenly everybody is reminded they have something to do or someplace to be- leaft us.
Not that it was a problem. He's good at hanging out with a woman, he knows how to keep a conversation going without you know, the ridiculous and rehersed on the mirror staring with the look that's planed to kill, and he seemed to not be too ill at ease even though, he wasn't grealy helped in that department, for catastrophe did come before the end of the evening for both him and me.
First was he .... Last night I wore bell jeans and a woolen blouse that's meant to be very loose, you know it almost drops to my knees. He made a comment on it and I told him that it was very dear to me cause it was the handwork of my mother and he lit a lighter to inspeact what I was telling him about the hidden colours inside the knitting, he brought the lighter too close and suddely a small flame appearred on my blouse .... I jumped up and he started covering it with his hands to keep it without oxygen -don't go thinking the fires of hell, it was just a little bit but still frightening to see upon you- when he realised that he actualy had his hands where he shouldn't have them.
I think I saw the colours of the rainbow in his face before he settled in the good old fashioned red-terracota style of ultimate embarasment.
The whole place was watching and he was at a loss at to what he should apologise for, seting me on fire or grabing what he wasn't supposed to grab? So, like a true knight would do, I decided to save him from having to do either, blinked at him and threw him some late humourous line about me already being on fire, which of course lead directly to him lifting his eyebow and regaining his confidence. Thankfully that's all it took, with other guys in the old days I was begging them and re-assuring them that ok, they didn't do anything that bad and they keapt their heads hanged down. At least he seems an adult. Seems. Let's not forget he is a guy.

Stayed around for another hour -almost 5 in the morning- and then we decided to go home, he would have to walk so offered to give him a ride with the bike which he accepted. His eyes rolled when he saw my bike and his look asked me how can I drive this thing. I always feel a little nose-up-in-the-air about my bike so I proceed and get on it, taking a helmet out for him and waiting till he jumps on.
Well, free advice for women out there, if you own a big bike and you happen to fall in love, to offer to take the guy home, the sudden and uncalculated -beforehand- proximity of bodies did unexpected things to my driving, which resulted into us practicaly crashing down 5 times, one of them was pretty scary. Poor Odyseas got down seeming pretty unwilling to ever get up on it again.
Before I could have the time to feel like I don't have what to say though, he takes out his phone and asks for my number, then gives me his.
Some seconds of eyes locked and I nod to him as in "tomorrow" and he says "Yes, tomorrow, don't forget".

And of I went. He called half an hour later to see if I got home safe ..... I would worry to if I was him. Anyway, I am freaking in love. Exellent, great grand, now tell me what to do with all this spare energy till I meet him later this afternoon to go the a play, then we'll go -with his car as he pointed out- to a friend's -his friend- who's invited both of us and we'll see what will follow.

Ok, enough about this, I am going to wash the cows or something to make the time pass.
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Back to normal [Feb. 2nd, 2006|02:17 pm]
[mood |mischievousmischievous]
[music |Strange Things are happning, Rings& Things]

And here we are again .... So I went to Athens and stayed there for about a week, it was a pleasant experience, as it always is.
I don't know there are times when I am second guessing my decision to come up here. Yes the nature is rewarding, the way of living might be tough but still it feels more comftable to me than rushing through packed streets to get on the same buss with 200 more people and when I think of all that, I look out of my window in the woods and smile happily for not having to put up with it all.
Yet, not only bad things exist in Athens, for having lived there the greatest part of my life, I have created bonds and relationships that are unbreakable.
Take Maria for instance, by best friend through so many bad and ugly times. Being parted from her is something that has costed me greatly, I am a social animal, I cannot do long without the people that constitude my pact and Maria is quite possibly the representative of this pact, the core. Then comes my ever beloved Smaro, the edgy friend who seems so wierd to those outsdie yet so easy going to me. Surely Smaro can present a million different faces according to the degree one threatens her but she is filled with intelligence, appetite for knowledge and an artistic nature that I find at least enchanting.
The three of us make the triangle, the rest move around us like planets in orbits.
For so many years this formation was a source of power for all three of us and a three years ago it was so suddenly broken. I leaft for here, Smaro leaft for the Netherlands and Maria stayed in Athens. We were scattered. Now Smaro has returned to Athens and doesn't seem eager to get back abroad, I am guessing that lonelyness was hard for her as well.

So I am now the one that has defected the ranks of the witches. It's ok, I know they are surviving fine without me despite the fact that they miss me, in the same way that I survive fine without them, despite the face that I miss them terribly, but is that the goal? Survive?
Maybe I should keep somewhere in the back of my mind the option of returning to Athens open. I know me, I am a restless animal, there is no case that I can root in one place for long, even if this place is my dream come true. You see I am coming to very interesting conclusions about myself, maybe I visualised a place that doesn't exist so that I can continue moving eternaly as an excuse to find it. Now that I found it and live in it and see that indeed, it is all that I hoped for I understand that this is not what I wanted. I want the road again, to start covering miles and arriving to places unknown, without the slightest bit of information of where I am going to stay and what I am going to do, maybe after all this perfectly planned years I need some exitment all over again.
And maybe, just , maybe it is time for the three of us to be together in the same city again.

Or maybe I am talking stupidities for this place won't let me go easily, nor will I. There is sweat spilled here, there are hours of my life's hardest work, there are experiences that cannot be leaft lightly behind. I look at the building and from whithin the very walls comes that first met -for me- satisfaction of thinking "by gods, I made this". I shouldn't lie, the Shelter is a good base for people like me, I have never fealt as free as I do here. Nor have I ever imagined this wonderfull co-existance with all those people. In the older days I always thought that living with others -not to mention 180 of them- is always a bad idea because it is a matter of time until someone or something breaks the harmony.
As I found out harmony is not what one should expect when co-existing with so many different characters. And if you dn't expect that, then nothing can ruin the perfect routine they all create. We are a big groop of gnomes running freely across the woods, we may fight between us, we may qyarell we might even keep long faces, but we are a team, a fist, s gang keapt together and looking after each other. And what can replace that?

And of course ... there's always the man.
I do not know who he is, I only know he came twice in my hang out bar. The second was last night.
The first time I noticed him, he was at a table across the bar with some friends of his, drinking and laughing, I raised my eyes to look around, I met his eyes who were doing the same thing, he smiled, I smiled and returned to our buisness. A couple of hours later he happens to go by our table, he sees me and says "do you take candy from strangers?" and gives me a little orange candy. Of course I laughed, it was among the best hit and goes I ever attended, took the candy and looked at him as he moved towards the bar. From then on I have no idea what happened to him, I got distracted by other stuff that was going on and I presume that at some point he just took of. Two nights went by and the second -aka yesterday-, here he is again.
I took the trouble to ask Giorgo -the barman- if he has seen him before and he answered me that he has, he is a friend of Pavlos -the guy who owns the bar- and he is a mathematician. Which by the way is the last thing you'd guess from his appearence. Giorgos went on saying that he is coming to this bar reguarely for 5 years now and that it's impossible I haven't seen him so far.
Indeed that is odd, I am there too much and I know almost everyone, and then I asked his name .... Odyseas -Odyseus-. I did know him. At least two of the girls in the shelter have fallen victims to this guy's charm. All truth be told he didn't do anything to them, nor was he cruel or harsh or awful or the kind of thing they do in the movies, but I am guessing that he has his way in getting them interested and them dumping them. Admitedly though, they were the dumping kind.
I thank Giorgos for the valuable information and return to me table to continue drinking ... the bottles go by and it is my turn to go and get one from the bar. So I ask Giorgo for a tequila bottle and I lean against the bar waiting, as I turn to my leaft who do you think is right beside me?
Yes, of course with my luck it could only be him. I smile looking -hopefully- more self assured than I fealt and say not a word. He doesn't either. He gives his order to Giorgos -the gossiping chicken was serving drinks with one hand and paying attention to us- and looks around the bar without as much as adressing me. Finally my bottle comes, I take it and head off when I hear someone saying "hey, redhaired, you're stubborn", I turn around and he has cracked the most devious of smiles. "I'm stuborn or you're prone to temptation?" I answer back and for a few seconds I managed to wipe this arrogant glow in his eyes. A fragment of a second for he started laughing and shaking his head while I turned and headed towrads my table. His bottle came too and he took it to his table.
Being the little trickster that I am I pleaded with the girls to leave, diappear right that moment from the bar as discretely as possible. It was 4 in the morning after all.
I returned home and tried to go to sleep, which failed miserably, loged in Minas Tirith to kill sometime but it was dead so I switched of my pc and banged on Jhon's door. He has come to my door so many times, it was my turn. I still had that bottle of tequila with me and nothing else to do so I got him drunk while telling him the story, not much to narrate really.
He listened to me nodding and then he asked "one thing I did not understand, why did you leave tonight? It sounds as if you flead." Bastard, always finding the wrong thing to ask. He was right, I did run away in a way. Handsome charming guys have bad effects on me and this particular one doesn't seem like the kind of type I am in a position to handle level headedly and if I have learned something this year is that relationships are about control, and even though I am not a control freak, I just don't want to be under someone's control.
According to Jhon I am exaggerating. He seems to believe that it has nothing to do with control but with my fear of falling in love -seriously- ever again. "You've been running from this too long, did you actualy think you managed to escape it?" he asked later on ...bastard again. Yes, I did so what?
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Sweet Charity [Dec. 26th, 2001|01:38 pm]
[mood |hyperhyper]
[music |Rythm of Life]

I finally managed to wake up. My eyes are red a look as if someone used the oven to bake them into christmas puddings. Now strong turkish coffe on one hand and addictive substance in the other -nicotine this early in the morning- I am sat looking out to the snow covered pics and smiling at the memory of last night as the mysts of alcohool lift themselfs from my brain, chased by the exorcism of caffeine and last night becomes clear again.Well parts of it anyway.

Last night while we were all getting ready, a friend of a friend who was djing in a party held in a storage area, rented for the night, called and invited us all. He was also kind enough to remind us that it was a theme party. A "Sweet Charity" one!!! I underessed with the speede of a demon and got into my 60s fuscshia super mini with the purple designs, did that eyeliner line that takes hours and a lot of patience and straightened my hair. Admitedly I run 45 minutes behind of schedule but sis did everyone else, due to the sudden change of plans, so no problem. Only John was going to wear what he originaly putted on -that boy is always as if he came out of some record cover so...- and because of hs ultimate boredom he came over to my room and started to talk and talk as I was rushing back and forth.

Apparently he is still thinking about the jewlery box that we abandoned back in the pissing field. He is wondering if we should have taken it since it was leaft there to be found, instead of abandoning it once again. John is a very practical and down to earth man, to the point of being abnoxious sometimes, but also he can be "romantic" when you least expect it. I tried to explain to him that along with the box came no moral obligation to recieve it, puls I noted that taking jewellery even if found abandoned is never a good idea. He thinks I watch too many cop stories. Well I might but you just don't know. Do you?

Anyway. We did get ready and leaft for the party. It was PERFECT! Really, the decorations were so Sweet Charity that I couldn't help but wonder how long did it take them to make the settings. Because out of papers of all nature they hace made the "Club" and it looked great. The girlfriend of one of the hosts was even dressed as the Chandelier Girl! She was perfect. We danced the Aloof together and we laughed our eyes out. Both the Aloof and the Heavyweight are danced in couples so I had John be my escort. He is a pretty good 60s dancer and never leaft me down so far, and neither did this time. We made some new friends who were all apparently to town for the festivities, talked a lot, laughed a lot and presonaly I danced my eyes out all night long. Because once the many songs of Sweet Charity were over, we dived further more into 60s shake and lounge. It is a mirracle that my hips remain attached to my upper body today, I swear.

After a point it all gets rather blurry, if I was willing to report the smaller incidents , I could easily present myself in it's full narcisism but I shall avoid it. Let's say that it was a great night, with great people and with me dancing with a glass of Iceberg on my hand decorated by a climbing tiny Santa which I keapt and I now have it attached to my screen. Looks rather idiotic and I love it.

And in a while I think that I will have to undress the glittering memories of yesterday, put on my boots and rubber pants and go out to shovel cow shit and bring hey in for the fat loves. Sometimes my life looks so ..... divided. Maybe that's what keeps me balanced, when all else has failed in the past.

Merry Cristmas day 4!
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Ok, Merry Christmas [Dec. 25th, 2001|08:43 pm]
[mood |highhigh]
[music |Forever Amber]

Yup, once again it's this time of year and I am spending the day as wonderfully as possible. Returning to base has proven to be an exellent idea. Wheather we like it or most, there's no place like the one we name home. And I think that it is time for me to admit it, the Shelter after three years -one year of trying and two of actualy living in it- has become my home.
And here I am now, on Christmas day after having spend all morning doing absolutely nothing -well of course the work in relation to the animals knows no Christmas, they steel need to be fed and cleaned- longing in for the last time today before I start preparing myself to go out with my friends. It looks like for once we managed to all get on the same wave here and celebrate together. We contemplated staying home and keeping things calm, but I objected as intensly as possible. I mean comme on, last night we stayed in and were calm, we had no reason not to get out and get a bit silly tonight.

What is it with those Christians, their God is being born and they celebrate it in the most boring way possible? I will never understand them.

So, my thoughts on Christmas. The thoughts of an infidel, a heathen and a barbarian. Wild souls know no christmas. They never meant anything to me, nothing of significance. They always fealt like candy, gives you a happy feeling while you lick it and causes you bad teeth for your entire life. People with smiling faces that have their exp.date printed with barcodes on the back of their head so they can't see them. People who are sad and only realise it durring the hollidays. How on earth can that happen? If you are depressed you are depressed, what can be depressing you furthermore in a celebration, the fact that all those they didn't seem depressed before now appear to be in some form of psychedelic substance that turns them into "happy consuming zombies"?

Celebrating love though, I am ok with. As long as love is real. Not the best selling product of the days. But who can say if love is real? Does love even exist? And if it does, does she get stronger durring some periods of time? Or are we the ones that like we have created our concept of gods now create our concept of love and make it feel more intense now that it is trendy to show it? And what happens the rest of the days?

I am asking, because it now seems so long since I was in love. Like looking somewhere far back in the road I have already travelled and rembering that "oh yeah, that corssroad in the far end must have been the place where I last found love". Not that I am desperately looking for it to speak the truth. I am more like running away from it. I came to fear sexul love, she can be a real preditor that rips you apart. Most recent example? A friend of mine from the net. He fell in love with someone who fell in love with him. Then came fear from her side and anger from his and now I can't even recognise him. He's like a wounded animal, you can't know who he's going to attack next. An awful thing to witness. And he used to be such a ray of light.
Since I mentioned him ... I don't know this man puzzles me. From one side he seems so strong and able to handle himself and everything, from the other part he can appear to be a young frightened child tha tries to convience self and others that he will be a hero one day.
As if the world needs more heros. What we need are people with enough wisdom to stop themselfs from commiting mistakes when it is early enough from pain to be avoided. On the other hand of course, pain is a teacher, it helps us learn what to do and what not to do.
But pain is also an adiction should on let himself to dive in it, it victimises you and helps you be like that man in the old story with Athene who was hungry, sat benieth a tree and complained that he is hungry. Athene made the tree give fruit but he continued to complain. Then she told him "you have my help, now move your hands."

Anyway, I think that it is high time for me to stop worrying about other people so much. Specially when they didn't ask me to worry. Who do I think I am? An almighty mother Teresa that can seve the world by giving instruction to everyone? As if I know anything that can be of help to anyone.

Whatever, this is getting a bit melancholic so I will skip it and start something entirely new. The presents I got. Two perfumes which were bought by John and Basilis . The truth is I compeled them to. Each time we went shopping I stoped and stood for hours looking at the adds of the specific perfumes, you know kind of sending the message, thank Gods they did get it. Lots of books, all of them seem magnificent and of course the usual illegal presents that I am in no position to mention on line, but let's say that now I have a big Santa's baf benieth my bed that I will cherrish.

Ok, I think I need to get going once again because they 're all comming up to their rooms to get ready so should I unless I want to hear the ever going nagness of John about my vanity. Vain! Me! The person who finds cowshit attractive. Men have no idea what vanity is. That's why they're always so surprised to find out that the women they say as a total idol probably is a moron that reflects them in all possible perfection.

Now should I wear my green velvet dress? I had it made for a special occasion and it hasn't come more than once so forth. Maybe I should. And I will wear my Helios necklace with my hair held up. Yeah. That will do it for Christmas. At least should everything else go ill tonight -which I hope it won't- I can always go outside and start spinning around to see my dress doing that fabulus flow. Life's pleasures are such a simple thing.

Oh, and I am having Love as the band of the song I am listening to, becuase that is exactely what I think my mood is. Love.
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(no subject) [Oct. 19th, 2001|07:19 pm]
Ok here we are again, back to the Shelter after a fantastic time.

I could write tons of what happened in the Sol Invictus celebrations but today is not the day to do so, it's Christmas Eve and I am running out of time in great speed, seeing that I have been running around like a headless chicken most of the day.
The return home is worth taking some time to narrate though. Early this morning John and I got all of our stuff back into the suit case and drove in speed all the 104 kms that stood between us and the Shelter to get home on time to help for the dinner preparations.
Babis being his usual self started singing -wooofing really awfuly for those unimaginative creatures the believe that dogs can't sing- to the tune of the radio. John who lately has been in an awfully good mood, started doing so as well and I was taking pictures of the whole thing. The laughs were giving speed to the poor car.

Then came the time where we had to stop and pee. We already had several coffes and after they completed the grand sightseeing tour into our bodies they decided to use the exit, seemed rather eager too, so we didn't look long. We just pulled by a field. John went one way, I went the other and started ... well. All of a sudden I hear John screaming -thinking about it I might never have heard John screaming before in my life- and I run -having completed my task- to see what happened.

I have to note here that in the past week in the area we were had been raining non stop and that the ground of the field was practicaly watery mud. I was use that John wouldn't scream even if he feel head on into the mud, we're wuite used to it at work. What I saw was beyond my wildest imagination. John has sliped onto a most bizzare object a small box of jewells that must have been burried there or covered by the ground in some mysterious way and the rain uncovered it. It was of transparent plastic and looked like a minature suitcase, in it there were many jewells some silver, some gold, some faux and one lipstick.
And a note. The note was what made John scream.
"I lost her. If you want give it to someone who's worth it".

Do you really want to read to the stories that went through our minds? We didn't know what to do with it, keep it? Leave it?
Both John and I agree that we loved the idea and the gesture so we decided to leave it where it was, we're both single anyway so we have nowhere to pass this on, maybe someone else will pee on it , someone with a wife hopefully.

We talked over this all the way hope puzzled. But I am listening to things breaking or exlpoading -can't really be sure- in the kitchen downstairs, so I better get going before this entire house becomes huge rocket to fly sky high .... not that this is nessesarily a bad idea.

Merry Christmas all around. And mostly Merry Christmas Seleni.
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More to it... [Oct. 16th, 2001|01:14 pm]
[mood |artisticartistic]
[music |Ever brighter]

Yesterday I was in a nagging mood, today I am a bit better and the world seems a better place, theoreticaly of course because in essense no matter how I see it, it's always the same.

Last night I went over my friend Antigoni to hang out for the night. Antigoni is a good artist that hasn't taken herself seriously, which is a real loss because her imagination is very active and her hand is very skilfull. She wanted me to help her cover some basics about creating a story with mythical chracters. Ha .... the easiest thing I thought. We started at about 10 and we finished -not because we were done but because were were exausted by brainstorming- around 3:30 in the morning. Still it was an exellent experience because we both got passionately into doing what we like most creating a fantasy world.
The only time we posed was to tell to each other that should this book ever be made into a film, we will get rich. Yes, the books none of us has written yet. Ain't we worth admiring?

I do think that this shoul be turned into a book instead of something "cartoonish". The material we have in there is so much more book worthy. On the other hand it creates so many wonderfull scenes that they might be worthy sketching in cartoon mode. Pffff ... I really do not know.
For the time being what I have to do is find names for the several kingdoms of the books, and names for the chracters, from there we will separate for christamas and afterwards we will get right to it again.

Now, my not so RL life. In the site where I spend most of my internet time I had a "fight" just a couple of days ago. I will start by saying that I may be ill-fit for this particular site, even though I know that some people from there do in fact consider me a friend and even if I consider them friends in turn. I cannot play for long that game of being smart, of having all the answers, of knowing all the tricks. Maybe I should, that way I could have at least avoided the noise my debate with Snows created, but again, that's not me, I do not avoid the noise.
As for Snows himself .... well, I know that it is hard to appreciate honesty when it has nothing possitive to give you, and wuite franckly I think I would have reacted more or less the same way he did, if not even more childish but at the point where my relationship with this person is that only thing I can do is actualy be honest, even if that means brutal.
Snows is a good man, with a heart made of gold and he has made me smile and laugh too many times to remember. But we disagree on fundamental this as to how the world works and how should the world work which gives is reasons to "meet each other in battle" in several, if not in all occasions. He is stubborn, stuck up and idifferent as to the truth, the only thing he's interested in is seeing his side tryumph. And if I want to be fair, I will admit that so am I. So imagin what happens when two such childish egos collide... Awful!
I will not comment on his lieutenant the Agent who always is there to irritate me. She is someone I do not care of.

Now returning to my life and dealing with something much more mundane than the things we've been dealing with so far. Nails!
Christmas is comming, as we all know and I was dying to have something unique done. I already schedules to have my hair dyied and yesterday I decided to follow the advice of a friend and go to a manicurist. She has created me the most wonderfull fake acrylik built-on nails ever, I mean I see them and love them to no end, my hands look as if they are someone elses!
I love them. And they even have little purple "diamonds" on them. Yeah, I know I am a freak but I love it! Even though they are hard to type with. But it's ok, I am learning to use them as I go.

Ok then so far so good, let me take off to bring another dawn to the heathens!
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the first dawn [Oct. 15th, 2001|06:12 pm]
[mood |blankblank]

Ok, here we are, after Sherly pointed me to the direction of Live Journal. So far so good, I managed to get through it all, despite me being hopeless in anything more complicated than a pregnant chicken.

It has been long since I keapt a journal but this might be proven fun, I don't know.

I have to say that I intend this Journal to be both RL and WL, maybe more concentrated to the first than the second of course.

Let's start with my usual rant, the lack of organisation in our community. There have been troubles before, that's for sure and quite expected, 180 people living together in absolute harmony is a dream that even we hippies do not dare to dream, but still, I smell an awfuly big amount of tention between some of us lately.
Surely I haven't been of much help, that I understand. I get easily pissed off and I tend to make myself too audiable, if that is the word, I mean I do intend for everyone to hear what I have to say and maybe this gives out the impression of me being or trying to be an authority figure. And maybe I am, even if I do not intend to be. Or maybe I intend to be. I don't know.

But back to my original topic. Some of us seem tired, as if living with all these people is getting to their nerves, they are fast to angry, easily flared up and more and more are questioning John's actions, which to my eyes can lead to no good. Ok, I didn't say that they should all bow and listen, neither did John for that matter, but wheather we like it or not he started this entire project and he is more level headed than most of us so we better let him run it.
But no ... nowdays everyone wants to be the captain. Maybe I am over-reaction and falling for the old "objects in the mirror may appear closer than they really are" but gods know how I hate seeing us break. I wish I am seeing smoke where there's no fire, but that rarely happens, right?
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